Courtney Leigh's Journal
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Courtney Leigh's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004 | | 2:48 pm |
I finally got back to my original journal. Yes its me, Courtney, here to darken your computer moniters with my idiocy. I still remain heavily grounded from the computer, even though I have found a way to sneak on every now and then. I think there are ghosts in my house. (1 dead person | Slit a wrist) | | Friday, December 19th, 2003 | | 1:52 pm |
I hate my life. I've always hated it even when I had perks like my best friend. The finish on my computer desk doesnt take to liquids, and my saline tears are turning the surface a placid white now. I always stand here, asking god why he damned my life, why he did this to me. He took my grandfather. he took my life. I have no one but my best friend, and even then we fight. I lay at night after a fight feeling alone without anyone, like I'm nothing more than an empty corpse on this planet. Every chance she gets to put me through misery, she takes it. And there are times when I wonder if my medication works. I'm Courtney. The girl who has the laid back personality. I created Space in my image. If you knew him well then congradulations, youve come face to face with what torments me. (Slit a wrist) | | Wednesday, March 19th, 2003 | | 5:36 am |
(Slit a wrist) | | Sunday, March 16th, 2003 | | 10:34 am |
end.
This journal will no longer contain the text of my character Space. One, he has no friends. Two, Mandie quit, so will I. Three, No one wants to listen to a worthless lifeless asshole. Four, no one reads what he says anyway. Five, I have better things to do then to update his journal for no reason. For all I am conserned, I will create a seperate journal for him, weather you visit it is your choice. (1 dead person | Slit a wrist) | | Wednesday, March 12th, 2003 | | 5:50 am |
I've been very intrigued by a quote, a friend of mine gave me yesterday. She said, "Live Every Day As If It Were Your Last." For one of my nature, and experience, I cant say that I fully agree with this in any way shape or form. My everyday consists of waking up, brushing my teeth, dressing myself, and finding my brother somewhere in the house. I'm usually alone for the first 5 hours, as my brother, Kiku, gets up quite late... At 7 in the morning, I can either be found eating breakfast at the table, watching morning cartoons, or curled up in my room trembling from a crippling mental disorder or two... I haven't talked to anyone except my brother, my girlfriend, and Oracle yesterday. Seems as though I am being avoided. Oh sure, occasionally someone talks to me when they need something, but never to say, "Hi Space, how are yeh?" Ah well, who needs more in life than a best friend and brother, love, and people who still speak with you? I've never been one to need anything else. I guess friends just brighten your day up. I havent got any anymore, I'm forgotten about. I wouldn't think that I would be able to keep friends around anyway, who would want to be friends with a mental? I ask myself that question religously every damn day. Ah well I've seen better days... Anyway... I'm out..
Current Mood:  disappointed (Slit a wrist) | | Monday, February 17th, 2003 | | 8:29 pm |
Blah blah blah courtney here!
Damn lifes been a piece of work here. It has primarily its ups, then theres the painfully horrible downs. I'm up around 9 pm because I was awakened by a nightmare of death. It may sound silly, but the graphics my imagination were so real-looking, it was amazing, like any Holly Wood movie you would see. I am not going to go into details, I had to whitness everything there is in my life to live for, die, burn, and writhe before my very eyes, as I too were being eaten alive by acids of high potency. Yeah prolly sounds stupid, but I was scared to death. I flung myself from my black comforter, and dashed for my cell phone, dialing up Mandies number. I'm so lucky to have a friend like her to comfort me.
Mandie and I went and saw Final Destination 2 on saturday. Amazing graphics, and a kick-ass story line formulated together, makes a great movie. Poor Alex Browning died from a brick. I MEAN COME ON IS THAT THE BEST THE WRITERS COULD COME UP WITH! DEATH BY A BRICK FALLING?! Eh, it was a great movie, one that I'm going to buy on DVD when it comes out. I also spent the night at her house, it was fun ^-^
As for online life, well I cant say much about that at all. Havent talked to anyone all week.
Meiheru:
Also a note to mei mei. I know we've been bothering you about that comission, and we're sorry, you can keep the 20k we understand how busy you must be with college and all ^-^ in other news, ive been revamping Spaces design a bit, as Mandie changed Kiku a little. Well ahve nothing left to say here bye ^-^ (1 dead person | Slit a wrist) | | Monday, February 10th, 2003 | | 12:44 pm |
I've been feeling quite alone for the past...weeks. I hadn't talked to many people, except my brother, hes always here for me. I guess I can be grateful to have a responding brother. I never view my brother just as kin, but more as an extremely close friendship. Maybe thats why we have out little disagreements. Donna left again, I felt better when she came back, everyone was happier with her here. She said she wouldnt be back till March, and thats an awful long time, I hope she doesnt forget about us. For the times I have talked to other people, pets, and whatnot, I find it being very distant conversation, like I had never met this person befer. This wouldnt probably deviate me from the depressing topic at hand, but I can still recall, just the other day, when Donna and Jay brought Kiku and I to the "Slushie Shop". The lists of slushie were really weird. They had like fifty million damn flavors, and my brother got a Fried Chicken one. Of course I got a taco flavored slushie, who in their right mind wouldnt. Anyway while we were there, Kiku was attacked by a mob of children who still believe in Santa Clause. Quite Funny when they ran of screaming in horror, bah ah wasnt paying attention to the reason O.o; I wish we could go back to that slushie day, it made me happy to be around old friends who weren't fighting and what-not. My home life hasnt changed much unless for the better. I find myself more attatched to Kiku, I'm starting to get the urge to trail him around the house yelling, "I WANNA BE LIKE YOU, KIKU ^-^!" But, I wont O.o; I don wanna bother ehm :> As for my childish immaturity, I dont think I'll ever grow out of that, Its fun being immature. O.o Bah, you know whats weird. How can someone so pathetically depressed, and fucked up in the mind, be so happy, and immature sometimes. o.o It doesnt add up I tell yeh!!! If you havent figured it out yet, I'm trying to make this update a lengthy one, instead of some piddle shit tiny update... Yus, so um... I find it very crowded in the account I reside in. Stupid bitch created a fourth pet, but now she cant use the lab >.> Not much to say about that tho. Not much to say at all now. Well I guess thats it, I'll have to go... DECAPITATE MYSELF!!?!?!?! (Slit a wrist) | | Saturday, February 8th, 2003 | | 9:15 am |
whee!
Last night I met up with Jay, Gia, Donna, Jack (Donnas New Friend *nudge nudge*), Orly, and Sieben. I Didn't talk much to Sieben or Orly for that matter, maybe not even to Jack that much. Anyway Donna brought us all to this valentine dance thing, my god there was so much pink it was disgusting...Donna asked Jay to dance, awwwwwwwr, I made an ass of myself and made fun of them every chance i could find. I hadnt seen Donna in a long time so i did something drastic.... I sat on her, slave couch returns >:D But anyway after that everyone got hungry so they went to some "Shexy place" i dont remember the name, but they played in yiff room six, which had padded floors and walls. I dont like being reminded of old days... I sat outside and waited for them, Donna talked to me a few minutes before she went, after that dreamhopping started and well averyone got loast in this thing that that Gia person brought us to and i think shes crushing on me but i wuv my owner *hugs her and gobbles her* ^-^ (Slit a wrist) | | Friday, February 7th, 2003 | | 11:52 am |
bleh
Todays going to be the day. All the other girls who live in Metaire already got their progress reports. Kenners always a day late. When my mom sees the grades ill be grounded for god i dont know how long, atleast until I pull my grades from 6 feet down again. All the grades so far, are avaraged on one test in each class, and with my hard luck the tests right after (that werent averaged into the progress reports, so the failures on the first test are all my moms gunnah see )) were acutally graded well, b's c's and a's.My mom wouldnt believe me if i told her, i already tried and she wouldnt listen, "We'll see how your progress reports are" Thats what she always says. Anyway off the grim topic of progress reports and onto another. Today was career day at my school, in which many visitors came to school and presented speeches to the students who are willing to listen. I went to room 111, the funeral and embalming services career topic, and found it very interesting. Somewhat fun if you will. The second room i went to was 210, in which a psychology speech was being presented. I love psychology and mental disorders, abnormalities in the human behavioral system really interests me. Anyway the third i went to the bio lab, Veteranarian Medicine, but i didnt find that very inseresting at all. All the woman did was blab about Vet School, income, and job specifics. Lastly i went to room 109 and listened to the FBI speech where they gave us little flashlights as tokens, yay! It was fun only four speeches. Anyway i also have an important apology to make to mandie. Dude im sorry for treating you lower than shit this morning. I know im a horrible friend, im sorry, ill try to get better i really will, i didnt mean to yell at you ><;;; (Slit a wrist) | | Wednesday, February 5th, 2003 | | 6:15 am |
Bleh
Hey its Courtney, sorry dont feel like making my font red anymore right now. Um, that progress report day is commong up soon, and i wont be able to share the horribly funny moments with the people i talk to, when im grounded. In every class we've only had one test and i always fail the first test, always no matter how ahrd i studied. I got back my History test, i got every bit of information right , i would have had a hundred if he wouldnt have taken off for grammer and spelling, it was horrible, from a hundred to a 67 on spelling mistakes, i didnt know i was that bad! I dont think he could distinguish my E's from my I's. So im getting a progress report in every class, i can bet i get grounded. So, im paying my respects wether im grounded or not...
Meiharu - i wont have the privilage of seeing the beautiful end result of the comishie, and as soon as i get back on your getting your taco, bottle of water, and dark faerie; back that you gave me for no reason at all you weener. Revenge will be mine and Space will eat your fishies for all they are.
Leah/Embers: bleh i never got to offically ask you, but Snips REAAAALLLY likes Oracle, lots lots. O.o dunno if anything will come from that though.
Mandie: Best friend on and off neopets, ill talk to you wether my mom lets me or not as your always there for me now arent you???? Of course, we'll enjoy many outlaw stars togther regardless of my mother and her stupid wishes. Jay - I wanna flush you down the touilet, no offense but you give me that urge to kick the flusher at my school, THATS A GOOD THING DONT BE OFFENDED! ONLY SO MANY THINKS MAKE ME HAPPY!
Kiku - i wanna kick 9000000 flushers for you o.o
(2 dead persons | Slit a wrist) | | Wednesday, January 29th, 2003 | | 6:12 am |
bleh
Sitting alone... At home... Here with my brother... My best and only friend. I feel betrayed, abandoned if you will. I haven't heard anything from Kansho, whom claimed no matter what hed be behind me 100%. A few weeks ago that 100% deminished to 50% when he decided to become a cat boy... Now its at 0%, no more. Lose a friend, gain a friend, doesnt matter to any one any more does it. I spoke to Kiku the other day, also in company with Mr. Kivins, and two female shoyrus, one which was ...playing with my brother. *smirks* I guess its better than sitting around the house. I've also talked to Mei a few times, she seems to be the only one besides my best friend/brother that talks to me, tho it usually only deviates to a fishy topic or something... meh... maybe its all going back to the beginning.... later days Courtney here, watch the President last night? Sucks, doesnt it? That we are being pushed into war, cause some ass fucking pussy wont drop his bone. Kinda scary to relize that world war three might be engaged within a month. Kinda scary to read the book of revelation where it says only 124,000 people were worthy of saving. Kinda scary to realize that you might not be one of those people. Kinda scary to realize.... everything you worked for, all your friends, family, possetions can be whiped out in a matter of seconds... (Slit a wrist) | | Friday, January 17th, 2003 | | 6:13 am |
Mwee~
Hi! Certney here for your weekly personal update. Much to tell in little time. Lets start out with this: I am currently writing some lyrics. They're very, very morbid and stuff, and I keep changing the damn refrain! I cant find that stupid happy medium-ism! Well, I'll release those lyrics, when I can think of a second verse to shove in there. I've been roleplaying with Embers alot. It's been fun; I roleplay Snips, and she roleplays Oracle. Though snips is a stupid, blings, dirty, scruffy, mutt of a dog...
Snips: *insert growl here* --;;;;
O.o; well anyway lets move on. The other day, Mandie and I met some of our old Furcadian aquaintences from way back in da day. Ralok, FoolishBrad, Znite was there but he didn't talk, and --KillerofAll--. It was fun, we piddled around the New Haven pot for a while, lagging the shit out of some bitch, who thought she had been on longer than us. Stupid n00b. After we had fun doing that. Killer, Mandie, and I went to "The Yiffy Hospital" in FurN, where the dragon avatars are invisible. Since me killer and mandie all had dragons we could sneak around with no one seeing us! Until we caused a big lag and got sent to jail :\ Then we had fun in the cell room XD! Well erm yes stuff, I'm taking drivers ed, hope to be on the road soon so i dont have to put up with my mom nagging me everymorning... My birthdays comming up on the 26th of January, oh and by the way mandie, are you able to spend the night saturday night instead of friday? Dont forget to ask your mum! Anyway im out!
At SchoolIt's really annoying how popular people in my school treat everyone under them as tho they were slaves. Tday in my Social Studies class I was taking notes, like I was instructed to do. The person that sits infront of me just happens to be extremely popular, Aubrey Mason. So, anyway i was writing the notes that were displayed on the board, my pencil was squeaking ever so slightly cause i didnt have anything under the stupid paper. Instead of asking me please, she turns around and pretty much yells, "God can you stop!!!!?" I just stared at her, and continues, it didnt matter to me what she wanted. Well if she couldnt have humiliated me anymore, her little friend infront of her whispered, "Whats wrong" Though i wouldnt have minded if the stupid broad infront of me wispered back but she didnt, she said it in a low, yet audible voice that i could most definatly hear, "Shes writing with a squeaking pencil, shes so annoying!" God i hate people...And thats just one person -_- Current Mood:  chipper (Slit a wrist) | | Monday, January 13th, 2003 | | 5:23 am |
(1 dead person | Slit a wrist) | | Saturday, January 4th, 2003 | | 6:05 am |
...
I have a feeling that things are taking a drastic change ever since Donnas departure. Nothings as it was, I'm now spending 95% of my time locked away in my home cause of nothing better to do. I've lost almost all of my friends. Neyre never really talked to me, Jay barely talks to me, btw I did see him last night, he and my brother were drunk off their asses though. Sadaji hasn't spoken to me in, I cant even remember. Donna's just not here. Oracle never really talked to me either. I dont even see Yari anymore. Lastly, Kanshos going bye bye. He once said to me that he would always be here for me, most of them did. Most of them said they would never hate me. Most of them also said they enjoyed being friends with me. Now I dont know what to belive, its amazing how the absence of one person can shatter friendships around an entire group of people. I can see where things are going, back to the beginning. Sooner or later all ties and friendships will be broken. Everything will fall appart, if it hasnt already. It's going to be as it was before, a very lonely carless life. I dont know if my brother notices the change, I just hope he remains here, I have no one else now. I've also come to the conclusion that its more likely for a promise to be broken then filled. All promises made to me now mean nothing, as I do to everyone. I couldnt belive what ifelt when i had friends, I was happier for a short while. But even good things are followed by the most horrible endings. I havent heard word on anyone, not even a simple update, no one. It seems like everyones just completely dropped dead. Heaven forbid that they actually did. I dont know why I'm saying this, no one listens. No one comes back here, so why should this matter? FRom the time I met everyone, the future events were undeterminable, though whats there to determine when the feeling of being hated lingered everywhere. I still trust my "Friends" should they ever decide to live again, I wouldnt hold a grudge, though the feeling of being stood behind always made me feel better, I guess thats only a place that my brother can fill... (1 dead person | Slit a wrist) | | Thursday, December 26th, 2002 | | 2:28 pm |
(Slit a wrist) | | 12:20 pm |
(Slit a wrist) | | Tuesday, December 24th, 2002 | | 11:29 am |
(Slit a wrist) | | Tuesday, December 17th, 2002 | | 9:25 pm |
Picture
I drew a picture of a particularly evil looking Jay for Meiharu. I dont feel like retrieving the picture or the file, so its up to her to put it on her journal if yall want to see. I also tested a new style out with Space, which i was quite pleased with. In the picture below, he is cuffed and wearing a prison suit. And before anyone says so... HE DOES NOT LOOK SCARED, CUTE, OR INNOCENT!!!!! @-X Well he can be scared... but not cute or innocent... Anyway here: 
Ill be drawing kansho tomorrow... in the same style i drew jay in..
(Slit a wrist) | | Sunday, December 15th, 2002 | | 8:54 am |
Space...What a Day
The phone rang early this morning. Kiku must have also been awakened by the racket of the phone, cause he was the one who picked it up. I layed in my bed, in complete silence with my covers over my head, listening to my brothers phone conversation, he didnt seem to happy. My stomach lurched a bit when I realized who had called. It was our parents, and last I remember I didnt have the best existance with them. I wondered what the shit they wanted now. It seems that they are comming in for a visit, perfect. Im sure my father will have some complaints on the way I live, breath, walk, and talk. I got up and got dressed in the cleanest jeans I could find in my closet, only to better myself from insults, and found my usual maroon shirt, washed it twice and pulled that on as well. I dont know if my brother was still awake, cause if he wasn't then, he would be now with all the noise I was making in a hurry to clean my room. I removed all the knives from my walls,ceiling, and floor. Those were thrown on the shelves, tracked down my scythe and layed it in the corner, made my bed, cleaned the enormous blood stains off the hard wood floor, and cleaned some stuff. I knocked casually on my brothers door after all this. I was feeling really stressed, and a bit depressed. I had just barely started to reciver from a suicidle attempt the other night. I has messily wrapped my heavily bleeding wrists in thin cotex (A thin elstic gause material used to pressure cuts), but my now thay were soaking wet with blood... (Slit a wrist) | | Friday, December 13th, 2002 | | 11:46 am |
Hey once more this is Courtney, with a few things in mind to say. Sorry I havent been on much, I've been very busy during the week wise. I have only been available for phone talk. Alot of people have been entering the beauty contest on neopets. Mandie has been telling me for weeks that she was going to enter Spike, her draik (picture included below), into the beauty contest for the 16. I promised her that I would do anything I could to help her. It would mean VERY much to her if you voted for her Draik. She and I have voted for everyones pet who has been in the contest. Now please, please, return the favor and vote for her pet. Shes desperatly in need of the nps to actually be able to paint her draik, and i owe it to her beeing that she bought be the halloween paint brush and i didnt even ask her for it. Anyway when the time comes up ill ask again but please vote.
Spike Kraken (1 dead person | Slit a wrist) |
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